Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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