You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
