She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
too bad you live with your parents still
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
MIDGETS
????
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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