Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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