the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
