I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
