hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I won the penis lottery.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
