Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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