My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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