but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
