Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want

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(812): View more from Indiana

And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.

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(720): View more from Colorado

maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.

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