My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
