you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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