Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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