I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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