No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
