Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
