Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
