I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dignity is for republicans.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
