it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize