She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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