FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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