I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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