I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
