3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
