I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
