So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
