guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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