easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
