i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
