Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
