I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
