Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
