She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
