I feel great
I just peed on a car
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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