I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
God, I missed his penis.
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