This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
