he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
