is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
MIDGETS
????
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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