You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
