I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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