i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
