ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
