I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
