Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
