my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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