Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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