just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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