Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
