ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
