hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
