I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
