I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
