Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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