yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
