Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
