if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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