Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
