i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
