It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
