your parents love me but you hate me
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize