$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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