I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
