thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
