I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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