I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
