Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
