Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's like iHOP with fire
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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