a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
