just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
