a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
