You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
