He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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