Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
