the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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