I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
