If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
