Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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